Monday, July 24, 2006

The Dogs Ate My Homework, Part 1

Atomic Mama, that retaliatory bitch, took it upon herself to assign me some homework based on my last post. And although she claimed to hate being tagged for a meme, she not only completed the damn thing, she added new categories and then demanded that I dish out the answers retroactively. I'm pretty sure that goes against all the rules, regulations and ethical mores of the internet, but I'm afraid she might kick my ass if I don't comply. In true procrastinator's fashion (and due to major power outages in the area) I've managed to put off completing my homework in a timely manner. But the power, and our phones, and our a/c (oh god I love a/c!) are all back on, and I have no more excuses. I feel I must complete these before she smacks my hands with a ruler or something.

7 things I can do:

1. Stay strong during a crisis. I may fall apart later, but I'm your girl for getting things done while all hell breaks loose.
2. Match people and dogs. I'm really good at it. Very few of the pet adoptions I help arrange fall through. I love steering people towards a pet that is really going to fit in well in their home. I really love steering them away from a pet that I just know won't work out. And I'm usually able to do it in a such a way that they aren't even aware they've been steered.
3. Kick butt at Trivial Pursuit. My brain is a deep well of useless knowledge.
4. Bake. You should try my Black Forrest Cake. Really. It's positively evil (in a good way.)
5. Be a good friend. I'm a great listener and I generally give good advice. I'll be honest with you and loyal to you. I've known my best friend A. since we were 3 years old, and love her like my sister. I don't have tons of close friends, but our circle is very close.
6. Run a really well organized document production. It's a boring skill, but it's mine.
7. Sew. It's a newfound talent and one that I'm proud of myself for learning. I'm hoping that one day, I can use it to help support my family.

7 things I say most often:

1. Oliver, get your ass in this house!
2. Not so much (a la Paul Buchman).
3. Jackass.
4. All righty, then.
5. Go potty, Greta.
6. Blech.
7. I love you.


Kim M. said...

Bring on the Trivia. I'm known to be the queen of Trivial Pursuit!!!!!

atomic mama said...

Nicely done! My can opener is going back in its holster now... you're safe for a while. Now wasn't it much more fun to write about things you CAN do (as opposed to just the CAN'Ts - I mean WTF)? I thought so.

I'm so relieved y'all made it through the storm and outtages relatively unscathed.

And dude, it must be some sort of I'm-gonna-be-a-mama nesting thing, but I just bought an f'ing SEWING MACHINE! I've never sewn in my life, and now I have this alien desire to make some shit. Weird.